The World's Most Popular Sentence
When you said it this morning, what did you really mean?
So much of our attention is on the L word: love longed for, love discovered, love gone wrong, gone crazy, gone away, rediscovered, laughed at and criticized.
And the most repeated sentence of all time?
"I love you" (to a romantic partner, sibling, parent-child or friend).
Problem: some say it when they want something, while others do it to hear it back; still others are really asking,"Are we okay?"
Some have tossed "I love you" back and forth so often that it has long since lost all meaning. Even when things are not going well, still, it returns like an echo.
And believe it or not, there are those who only say it to express strong affection and caring.
If the 'I love you' in your relationship has been drained of life, or if it has come to mean something else, there are two ways to put the magic back.
Use it only to express warmth and caring. For those who want to know if the relationship is okay, or if their partner still cares, take a deep breath and ask.
And for those who want to hear it back, again, start with a deep breath and ask. Vulnerability, all by itself, can go a long way toward deepening a relationship.
The second way to ignite those 3 words? Stop the echo.
Instead, when you hear that remarkable sentence, take a moment to take it in -- all the way in; and then take another moment to enjoy it. Let it lift your heart. Your life.
Oh, and be sure to let the other person know what you are doing before going silent, which brings us to this.
What happens when our own 'I love you' is met with silence; you know, when the other person is busy taking it in? Some of us will be feeling (very?) uncomfortable, but that discomfort is just a feeling, a feeling that fades.
And with a bit of persistence, you too can experience the miracle: that amazing sound of love as it surrounds the other person; and have the same experience as it surrounds you.
NOTE - The most effective way to deepen relationships is to free ourselves from the past.
When I was eleven, my cousin stole my birthday money—all of it.
As a young man, the love of my life told me she needed to move—out of state—in a few days! And nothing was said about staying in touch.
When I was older, a co-worker went on a campaign of backstabbing lies to the boss. And he got what he wanted. My job.
Have you noticed how easy it is to be bitter? I hope not, but if so, you will know how hard it is to stop; and rightfully so, because being hurt gives us certain, undeniable rights.
We have the right to feel angry, resentful and even hateful, if that is what we’re feeling; we have the right to hold onto our bitterness for as long as we want, decades even; we even have the right to make ourselves sick with it.
Yes, sick. Studies show that when I am sinking into bitterness (or any negative emotion, my body is tightening, breath shortening and blood pressure rising. A long period of bitterness can cause permanent medical problems and even shorten life; and it does.
What makes it all worse, what makes it absolutely appalling, is that the target of my bitterness is out there living life; he or she is not feeling much if any of this; her or him is entirely unaware or completely ignoring me.
For those caught in this agonizing web of pain, for all of us who have at least thought of stopping, the question is How?
Bitterness, hurt, anger and sadness, come from our emotions, and, as you know, emotions cannot be turned off. Short of repression, they keep coming up.
I know, because for many years, I did everything I could to stop them. Over and over, I tried forgiveness, prayer, psychology and more.
And although these helped, they did not stop, or even lessen, those emotions.
What to do? Stop trying to stop them, and let them go.
Give yourself a way to let go of those who hurt you.
Give yourself a way to let go of those emotions.
How to Really Let Go of Anybody or Anything
It is a simple technique that releases negative emotion and the negative parts of past relationships. It can also bring calm to stressful situations of the day.
It’s free, and so is the entertaining series that comes with it: "Unusual? Ways to Lift Your Life" 3 times a month.
Oh, and there are none of the usual ads, no spam or address sharing, and an easy opt-out too.
How to Really Let Go of the Past
Let Go of Anybody or Anything
A Quick Look Back:
I began this in-ward journey on Feb. 10, 1971
Over the decades, I have
* Guided individuals and workshops
* Written 6 books, plus 1 for young adults & 2 for children
* Written a nationally syndicated newspaper column
* Hosted a radio talk show on creating positive change
* And you can find me on Twitter andYouTube ( @DanielSperaw )