Letting Go into a Better Life
Besides freeing you from the past, this simple technique can bring calm into those irritating situations of daily life.
To lay the foundation, I give you one of the biggest ‘Let go’s’ of my life.
For decades, I did everything I could to stop the negative feelings I felt for my Father: irritation/anger, sadness, bitterness, disappointment and hurt.
Over and over, I tried forgiving him. Again and again, I prayed for release. And for 3 years, I tried psychology. I even wrote out my pain and burned the paper on New Year’s Eve- twice. And more.
Soon after each effort, I would again find myself thinking negative thoughts of him and feeling the same negative emotions.
One day, I realized that thoughts of him always filled my body with tension: I was tightening against the emotion, struggling, trying not to feel!
And to a large extent, I succeeded. And failed.
I succeeded by feeling less, by stopping those emotions. I did it by tightening up and then distracting myself.
I failed, because every time I tightened against the pain, I was tightening my hold on it. Keeping those thoughts and emotions inside. Keeping a tight grip on him.
It was time to let go.
Let Go. Of What?
Whenever you have a negative thought or feel a negative emotion (or are stressed for any reason), your body tenses up.
The key to releasing past and present turmoil is to release this tension.
In a moment, you will have a technique to do just that, but first, know that negative thoughts/emotions come up for just one reason: to release.
When you release that tightening in the body, you free them and free yourself from them.
Note: Feeling a negative emotion can never make us a negative person. Even as we experience a negative, we can continue behaving in a positive way.
And The Best Part(s)?
Releasing those negative emotions also releases us from those that hurt us. How?
As the emotions release, and weaken, they come up less often, which means that negative thoughts of that person will also come up less.
[As the negative feelings for my Father weaken, I can remember more of the positive aspects of our relationship.]
And yes, there will come a time when they are gone completely.
Here is other best part. In the midst of a present chaotic situation, imagine yourself without the tension in your body.
Imagine yourself thinking clearly and making decisions effectively.
Imagine your calm voice bringing calm to those around you.
And just think of how much better being calm is for blood pressure and general health.
The Art of Letting Go
There are many ways to release tension from the body. This one is quick, easy and it can be used anywhere.
Think of a calm, happy memory, and then choose a word that represents it. If several memories come to mind, or several words, choose the strongest.
In the beginning, do this technique in a quiet place, sitting comfortably, eyes closed. Soon, you will be able to use it while standing in the middle of a chaotic situation, eyes open.
Take a deep breath, and when you let it go, breathe out the tension in your body.
At the same time, mentally say the word you have chosen. Say it so softly that you barely think it at all.
With each breath that follows, breathe out more tension and softly think your word. Do not try to recall the memory associated with the word; the word itself is enough.
With each each breath feel yourself let go, relax, especially in the neck, shoulders and stomach.
And when you feel as relaxed as possible, mentally release whatever is bothering you in that moment. Mentally open your hands and let it go.
If you have time, stay in that relaxed place for a few minutes. Simply watch yourself breath:
In And out Easily Naturally
Do this once or twice a day for 5 minutes (or as long as you like), and after a few days, you will be ready to use it out in the world.
Whenever you feel stressed/tense, simply breathe yourself into a more relaxed place.
Why Use a Word?
Most of us have a conditioned response to stress. My own is to automatically clench up and feel irritated.
Whatever your response, the word you have chosen will take you in the other direction. In fact, after some practice, you can feel your body begin to relax when you first think of using your word (before you even start).
Oh, and doing this once or twice a day, in a quiet place, eyes closed, will strengthen its effectiveness out in the world.
How Long Will You?
Releasing the negative past finally and forever is a process, but what about now? Right now.
For many of us, the answer is "Live the life you deserve."
We need to ask ourselves: How long will I let them that hurt me continue to hold me back, dim the quality of my life and keep me from the happiness I deserve?
I mean, even if by a miracle the offenders did eventually give us the satisfaction of seeing them feel badly for what they have done, it would still be up to us to move on, to push ourselves on, if necessary.
For it will always be up to us to pursue our interests and fulfill our dreams.
To live to the fullest.
To choose life.
P.S. The short version:
1. Choose a word
2. The Technique
3. Live life your way.
A Quick Look Back:
I began this in-ward journey on Feb. 10, 1971
Over the decades, I have
* Guided individuals and workshops
* Written 6 books, plus 1 for young adults & 2 for children
* Written a nationally syndicated newspaper column
* Hosted a radio talk show on creating positive change
* And you can find me on Twitter andYouTube (@DanielSperaw )