(147) Nagging? Why THEY Won’t Budge

Updated: Aug 31, 2020

How many times can we keep asking the same someone 'to do' or 'stop doing' the same thing before finally giving up?

The answer is never, because the nagger and naggee have a special relationship that neither wants to give up or even change.

The nagger can shake her or his head in mock or real frustration while feeling 'better than'. He or she can use their best what’s-wrong-with-you-voice to ask, Why can’t you do (or not do) the simplest thing?

On the other side, the naggee can enjoy the attention. It is a negative sort of interest, but many of us need more than we generally receive, and some mild negative is not really that bad, is it?

So, the situation, if not wonderful, is at least okay. Right?

Maybe not. Even if nagging is just a small part of the relationship, it is still negative, and the relationship between nagger and naggee has been known to spiral drainward.

Here are some ways to let it go: *If you are the one being nagged, well then, start or stop, problem solved. Although it does not feel good to let them have their way, you can take your relationship to the next level.

*As for you, the nagger, consider picking your battles. Would the world end if you did not get your way? And sometimes stopping that nagging flow of words is enough to push the naggee right into starting or stopping.

*Another option for the nagger is to stop nagging and state the consequences; decide if it is that important, and then clearly say how far you are not willing to go; and then say what will happen if that line is crossed. And never bluff.

Whether you are the nagger or naggee, if you are unsure about stopping, try it for a week. You just might enjoy the smoother, more tranquil relationship enough to keep it.

Our Relationship was Circling the Drain

A First Cousin to Nagging is "Helping"

There are those who like to advise (push) us into the positive changes THEY think we need. Most often, they only succeed in putting more distance in the relationship.

She saw the changes I needed in my life, the ones that would do me the most good, and she would not stop trying to ‘help’ me.

She could not understand my resistance, that I tended to dig in when someone pushed, nor did she understand the end of our relationship.

There are people everywhere trying to get others to change: to lose weight, to start dating or even just see the sunny side of life. And yes, I too am guilty.

Why do we do it?

Perhaps we hope that their change will somehow help us. Or maybe it is just easier to focus on them rather than look at ourselves.

Also, we ‘helpers’ tend to start without first asking; we jump right in thinking that we know what is best for them.

At the very least, this can be intrusive and might even be considered arrogant. Even if we do know what is best for them, do we have the right to bring it up, much less shove them into it?

The reality? If we want our relationships to flourish, it is best to stop “helping.” And sometimes that freeing moment brings the very change we wanted for them, as well as a closer relationship.

Regardless, here are 4 good reasons to stop "helping" right now:

1) Every push we give can put distance in the relationship.

2) If they are resisting our push, no amount of persuasive argument (nor irritation/anger) is going to move them—until they are ready. And in that moment, they will move themselves.

3) The change we want for them is sometimes the very one we want for ourselves, and focusing on them helps us not at all.

4) And, finally, the only person on the planet we can change is the one (writing and) reading these words.

So, let’s inspire those around us by going for the one change that means the most to us, because that change will lift our lives highest (and maybe theirs too).

The Worst Relationship Game - Ever

"I did for you, now you do for me. Why aren't You?" Scorekeeping is the one and only game where both sides feel like they are losing - and ruin the relationship to stop feeling that way.

Stop Scorekeeping. Then, Take Your Relationship to Heaven


All She Ever Wanted Was...


Her: She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—

I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”

Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.

Him: Free Insights

His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.

I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”

He immediately said, “My Mother.”

She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.

She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments. ​

His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"

Both Him & Her: The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it will tend to keep prodding, motivating and pushing Him and Her into a permanent change (no resolutions needed).

And That Power is Now Yours:


Either one of these 2 simple techniques can bring you a life-changing insight, one that leads to permanent change.

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How Many ?

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But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind

* Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you

* Imagine taking control over that part of your life

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The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. At this link: https://www.danielsperaw.com/single-post/Self-Care-Self-Love-3-Tips--Raise-Your-Quality-of-Life

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