Updated: Aug 31
“You really like that song?” she asked in a what's-wrong-with-you tone-of-voice.
I had to stomp down on a rush of defensiveness. That voice always has me scrambling, trying to come up with some logical, hopefully significant, reasons to show that I have good taste, that my choice is a good one.
She cleared her throat, waiting for an answer. Not having one, I looked away.
Our society demands that we appear logical at all times, that we have good reasons for our every choice. And to admit that the basement in any way runs the upper stories is close to heresy.
So, go ahead, pile the wood around the stake. I confess.
When something new comes up, I immediately like it, don’t like it or don’t care. There is no inner-prompting, no thought and certainly no decision.
Really, I have no idea why I love peppermint-fudge-ripple ice cream and dislike, okay hate, those peanut-chip, cookie-frosted cones.
But it is not just ice cream, and it is not just me.
A study showed that when most people buy a car, they do it emotionally: they first see, fall in love and sign the papers. At that point, they begin coming up with all the clearly logical reasons why it was the best choice, the only choice.
She asked, “You’re not going to answer me?”
Since I did not choose to like this song, what could I tell her?
That is when I remembered: "Whenever you are feeling defensive, turn the question back onto them.”
So, I took a breath, looked up and asked, “You don’t you like this song?”
She opened her mouth, paused and then stammered, “I, I don’t know. I guess it's alright.”
But What About Sarcasm?
Now you know. A quiet question can usually stop a what's-wrong-with-you-tone-of voice. A different question can just as easily stop sarcasm and mean 'humor.' At this link:
All She Ever Wanted Was...
Her: She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—
I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”
Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
Him: Free Insights
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.
I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.
She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"
Both Him & Her: The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it will tend to keep prodding, motivating and pushing Him and Her into a permanent change (no resolutions needed).
And That Power is Now Yours:
Either one of these 2 simple techniques can bring you a life-changing insight, one that leads to permanent change.
Both are complete (nothing held back)
And sent directly to your inbox:
How Many ?
How many people, no matter what they try, spend their lives not losing Weight, or in unfulfilling Relationships (or none), or with Money problems or a Stalled career?
But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind
* Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you
* Imagine taking control over that part of your life
* And imagine the relief of knowing that you are finally moving on, once and for all.
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Stop Being So Defensive
10 Powerful Ways to Stand Up For Yourself
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. At this link: