Updated: Mar 5, 2019
I was on the playground being taunted by three bullies, all using that awful sing-song (what's-wrong-with-you) voice.
I edged away, eyes on the ground, face burning.
As young as I was, I knew it was a lie (Sticks and stones... but words can never hurt me).
Decades later, I came across this quote: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
And I thought: No! People can make us feel inferior, make us feel badly. Words do hurt, and all of the quotes, rhymes and platitudes only serve to help us bury the truth of our feelings.
After receiving any emotional abuse (which can even be a silent judgement), many of us fill our minds with thoughts that range from what we wish we had said or done to what we wish would happen to the abuser.
Our body is tight and breath squeezed, all of which stops us from feeling too much.
But is stopping so bad? No, it is not. And yes ,it is.
No, because a part of those awful emotions include feeling weak, small, or, in other ways, 'less than'. And, besides, stopping any negative emotion always feels better than not.
And Yes, because putting a stop to those feelings, adds to our (so-called) emotional baggage; that is, whatever we do not feel from a traumatic moment gets left behind.
But there is an inner strength that comes from telling ourselves the truth.
And an even greater strength that comes from facing and feeling those emotions.
Letting Go of The Abuser(s)
(once and for all)
I use to hate having negative thoughts of the past. Over and over, I would find myself thinking about some long-gone hurt (and feeling the emotion that went with it). And there seemed nothing I could do to stop.
I finally learned the reason they keep coming up. That pain is trying to release, and there I was, with a tight, tension-filled body keeping them in.
How to let them go once and for all? Do the opposite: in the midst of a negative thought/emotion, take a deep breath and release the tension. Relax more with each exhale (especially in the stomach, shoulders and neck), and let your breathing return to normal.
And, as you do, feel whatever is there, because every moment you do releases that much more.
Note: the mind tends to skip away after a few moments, and the body/breath immediately tighten up again; gently bring yourself back to relaxing and feeling.
Every time we feel, we are also releasing ourselves from the abuser(s): we think about them less and less often, not because time has passed but because they are really gone. And yes, there will come a time when they are gone completely, and we are free.
Note: if there is any sarcasm or put-down humor in your life, here is a simple way to stop it all: Stop Their Sarcasm & Put Down Humor
This was one of my most startling positive changes:
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. Here is that link: https://www.danielsperaw.com/blog/the-essence-of-personal-improvement