Updated: Feb 9
For most games, there is a scorecard, penciled, printed or mental; and no matter how many cards are floating around the game, they all read the same—with one glaring exception: the competitive game of "ScoreKeeping!"
It is a simple contest, and it goes like this: I did for you, now you do for me. Why aren’t you?
In normal games like basketball or pinball, tossing pennies or tossing logs, it is about who has the highest score. But in this game, the opposing side’s score is always higher, which puts the home player in a state of losing disbelief.
Right! Both sides believe they have a lower score, both believe the opposing side owes them, and both experience all the negative feelings that go with losing.
Sadly, the main rule of the game is silence, absolute silence, and even though one side occasionally reaches out and reduces some of that separating distance, the silence and the game keep pushing the scores’ imbalance until there is more resentment and blame than caring and love.
I know about this game better than most, because it was the way I grew up, and it affected my relationships, romantic and otherwise, for far too long.
The good news? There is a simple way to replace that stress-filled game – as you will see
in Step 2.
And that is exactly where we are, Step 2, because this step is so powerful you might not even need Step 1. So powerful you had better be sitting down when you read it.
Oh, and you might need to dust off your acting skills.
Give often, without expectation of returns, without keeping track and without even remembering.
If you were sitting, you are probably on your on your feet now shouting, That’s stupid!!! They’re not giving to me, and you want me to start giving and giving and giving -- to them?
Yes! Because of all it is going to do for you:
1.) It can immediately up your quality of life, because giving feels good (the planning, the act and afterward too).
2.) When one person in a relationship truly changes, the other is forced to change. They cannot go on as before, because it feels wrong; so, they adjust. Which means there is a good chance that they will start giving to you.
BUT do not keep track! If it happens, just be grateful, appreciative.
Two great benefits already, but wait until you see these.
3.) When giving is difficult, and you do it anyway, your inner strength increases -- every time.
4.) Freely giving also raises your self-esteem -- every time.
5.) And more self-esteem raises your general level of happiness (because liking yourself more always does).
6.) And, you no longer have to live with the tension, stress and negative emotions that come with scorekeeping.
All that just for taking a deep breath and diving into this next part.
Each time you give, act as though you want nothing in return, and then keep on acting, holding back and remaining silent, even as you are wanting to point out, remind or at least hint at the wonder of your giving.
Can't wait to get started? Slow down!
The change in your relationship can be major, and your partner needs time to adjust. Limit your giving to one or two times a week for three weeks. Then, add one more for the next three weeks, etc.
And enjoy all six of those benefits, because you had the courage to step up and guide your relationship into the next level.
Oh, right! You want to know about Step 1.
It is about breaking that rule of silence, which by itself can break the game. And a good place to start is by talking about the game itself. Gently get them to agree that it has been a part of your relationship. And if they do not agree easily, let it go; it doesn’t matter.
You will change them with the brand-new and awesomely giving you -- a you that is now guiding both of your lives into a deeper, more energized and more fulfilling relationship.
All he ever wanted...
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.
I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet who is holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat. She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"
The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it tends to stay with us, prodding, pushing and motivating us into a permanent change.
That one insight put him on a path to becoming the man, and success, he had always wanted to be.
Discover Your Own Life-Changing Insight: Free
So many people spend their lives trying to change but stay stuck: being overweight; or trapped in money problems, or an unfulfilling relationship, or a stalled career.
But one, deep insight, one eye-widening moment, can begin leaving that pain behind.
And you can discover your own deep insight with either of these 2 simple techniques:
Both work on a variety of issues
Both are complete (nothing held back), and
Both sent directly to your inbox:
All She ever wanted...
She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—"
I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?” Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
A deep insight can, indeed, bring permanent change, and yes, you don’t need me. Who is This Guy?
Why am I encouraging you to find your own answers? Every time we even try for personal understanding, our inner strength increases—a bit more—and that strength translates into other areas of our lives.
Either of these 2 simple techniques can bring you the answers you need, as well as increase your strength. And it's all free. Get started now:
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How to Stop Being Judgemental: 3 simple steps
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-love. At this link: