Updated: 6 days ago
For most games, there is a scorecard, penciled, printed or mental; and no matter how many cards are floating around the game, they all read the same—with one glaring exception: the competitive game of "ScoreKeeping!"
It is a simple contest, and it goes like this: I did for you, now you do for me. Why aren’t you?
In normal games like basketball or pinball, tossing pennies or tossing logs, it is about who has the highest score. But in this game, the opposing side’s score is always higher, which puts the home player in a state of losing disbelief.
Right! Both sides believe they have a lower score, both believe the opposing side owes them, and both experience all the negative feelings that go with losing.
Sadly, the main rule of the game is silence, absolute silence, and even though one side occasionally reaches out and reduces some of that separating distance, the silence and the game keep pushing the scores’ imbalance until there is more resentment and blame than caring and love.
I know about this game better than most, because it was the way I grew up, and it affected my relationships, romantic and otherwise, for far too long.
The good news? There is a simple way to replace that stress-filled game – as you will see
in Step 2.
And that is exactly where we are, Step 2, because this step is so powerful you might not even need Step 1. So powerful you had better be sitting down when you read it.
Oh, and you might need to dust off your acting skills.
Give often, without expectation of returns, without keeping track and without even remembering.
If you were sitting, you are probably on your on your feet now shouting, That’s stupid!!! They’re not giving to me, and you want me to start giving and giving and giving -- to them?
Yes! Because of all it is going to do for you:
1.) It can immediately up your quality of life, because giving feels good (the planning, the act and afterward too).
2.) When one person in a relationship truly changes, the other is forced to change. They cannot go on as before, because it feels wrong; so, they adjust. Which means there is a good chance that they will start giving to you.
BUT do not keep track! If it happens, just be grateful, appreciative.
Two great benefits already, but wait until you see these.
3.) When giving is difficult, and you do it anyway, your inner strength increases -- every time.
4.) Freely giving also raises your self-esteem -- every time.
5.) And more self-esteem raises your general level of happiness (because liking yourself more always does).
6.) And, you no longer have to live with the tension, stress and negative emotions that come with scorekeeping.
All that just for taking a deep breath and diving into this next part.
Each time you give, act as though you want nothing in return, and then keep on acting, holding back and remaining silent, even as you are wanting to point out, remind or at least hint at the wonder of your giving.
Can't wait to get started? Slow down!
The change in your relationship can be major, and your partner needs time to adjust. Limit your giving to one or two times a week for three weeks. Then, add one more for the next three weeks, etc.
And enjoy all six of those benefits, because you had the courage to step up and guide your relationship into the next level.
Oh, right! You want to know about Step 1.
It is about breaking that rule of silence, which by itself can break the game. And a good place to start is by talking about the game itself. Gently get them to agree that it has been a part of your relationship. And if they do not agree easily, let it go; it doesn’t matter.
You will change them with the brand-new and awesomely giving you -- a you that is now guiding both of your lives into a deeper, more energized and more fulfilling relationship.
You also have to take care of your needs. I mean, it is never a good idea to wait for someone else to take care of you. This is a way to
All She Ever Wanted Was...
Her: She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—
I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”
Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.
I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.
She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"
Both Him & Her: The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it will tend to keep prodding, motivating and pushing Him and Her into a permanent change (no resolutions needed).
And That Power is Now Yours:
Either one of these 2 simple techniques can bring you a life-changing insight, one that leads to permanent change.
Both are complete (nothing held back)
And sent directly to your inbox:
How Many ?
No matter what they try, some people spend their lives not losing Weight, or in unfulfilling Relationships (or none), or with Money problems or a Stalled career?
But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind
* Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you
* Imagine taking control over that part of your life
* And imagine the relief of knowing that you are finally moving on, once and for all.
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How to Stop Being Judgemental: 3 simple steps
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