Updated: Jul 27
The boss called me in on my day off; some visitors needed help; but, why me?
I finally asked one of the guests, and she told me they had requested the best. I froze, silent for a moment, and then quickly nodded and moved on.
Later, I pulled her aside and admitted, “Sometimes I have trouble with compliments. Thank you for that.”
Most of my life has been spent hating compliments (because I felt so uncomfortable) and loving them (because they felt so good); so, of course, I reject them all.
And apparently I am not alone:
Some people play a game of catch and throw the compliment right back: “That’s a nice jacket.” “Oh, uh, I like your shirt too.”
Some duck their heads and mumble their way out of it, while others completely negate it: "Oh, this old thing? And it didn’t even cost much."
Still others are greatly generous as they deflect their compliment with kind words toward the designer, the store or you.
And finally, there are those who verbally bury it by going into a tedious explanation of where they bought it, what it cost and did you know the store almost went out of business! So, why reject them?
Some of us do not want to appear egotistical, while others feel undeserving, and still others want to avoid feeling indebted.
Let it In
1) Stop & Start - Stop second guessing motives, stop deflecting and start responding with a simple Thank you, and...
2) Relax - Only saying Thank you can bring up some discomfort (read negative feelings), which automatically tightens the body. That tightness can also keep out the compliment, even when we simply accept
it; so... breathe out the tension as soon as you can.
And let it in. Relaxed and open, let it settle deep into that place you feel vulnerable: do not try to find this place; just breathe easily and let the compliment settle in.
With a bit of practice, that nice lift you usually feel can greatly increase. And that feeling can stay with you, especially if you replay the compliment later (several times, relaxed).
With a bit of practice, that discomfort can go with a simple Thank You will weaken and disappear.
With a bit of practice, each and every compliment (no matter how small) can raise your self-esteem (and self-confidence).
How to Get More Compliments
I hope you are feeling excited about putting compliments to work for you; but, where are they?
One way to bring more of them into your life is to start giving them freely. BUT!
Giving to 'get' never works; people sense the motive; and even if a compliment does come back, it can feel 'bought'.
Instead, give them without expecting a return, and reap these 3 benefits: 1.) a deeper, stronger relationship (which can come from even one, freely given compliment); 2.) the good feeling of watching others brighten; and, 3.) knowing that compliments can come flowing back later.
The hardest part of this can be that Oscar-winning performance, as we convincingly act as if we do not expect a return.
And the easiest part? It should be the giving. After all, it takes but a moment to find something to like and about the same amount of time to say it.
But for some of us, it is not that easy. The key is to go ahead and do it anyway, and not let a negative reluctance get in the way of your goal: uplifting you and your life.
Another way to bring in more compliments is to use friends: give them this post; and then suggest, “Every time we talk, let’s give each other one, genuine compliment.”
After some initial laughter/discomfort, this experience can bring you closer, as well as being both enjoyable and fulfilling.
The key to success is persistence. Keep going 1.) as you lift those around you, one compliment at a time; 2.) as you stop second guessing motives, stop deflecting and start responding with a soft “Thank you; and, 3.) as you let go of the tension, let each compliment settle deep within and lift your self-esteem.
It's Time to Tell the Truth
Another way to lift your life, right now, is to stop saying "I'm fine." There is a way to tell the truth and bring yourself profound relief and bring people closer to you. At this link:
All She Ever Wanted Was...
Her: She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—
I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”
Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
Him: Free Insights
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.
I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.
She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"
Him & Her: The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it will tend to keep prodding, motivating and pushing Him and Her into a permanent change (no resolutions needed).
And That Power is Now Yours:
Either one of these 2 simple techniques can bring you a life-changing insight, one that leads to permanent change.
Both are complete (nothing held back)
And sent directly to your inbox:
How Many ?
How many people, no matter what they try, spend their lives not losing Weight, or in unfulfilling Relationships (or none), or with Money problems or a Stalled career?
But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind
* Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you
* Imagine taking control over that part of your life
* And imagine the relief of knowing that you are finally moving on, once and for all.
Click this link and get your free techniques now:
* Your email address is 100% secure
For more on compliments is How to Respond to a Compliment
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. At this link: https://www.danielsperaw.com/single-post/Self-Care-Self-Love-3-Tips--Raise-Your-Quality-of-Life