Updated: Aug 31
OR How to Really Not Care What People Think (About You)
Long after becoming a man, I still felt ill-at-ease around my Father; and although our relationship improved over the years, that underlying nervousness was there until the day he died.
And, yes, I still have a tendency to tighten up around those I view as authority : police; priests; boss; even some security guards.
If you find it difficult to feel relaxed around these people, here are 2 steps that can help.
1) Admit reality - Positive change is always easier when built on a foundation of truth: Admit that you really do care what these people think (boss, parent, ?). Say it to yourself (aloud?) a number of times, until the truth shines through.
2) Loosen up - The only reason we are tense around these people is to stop feeling those negative emotions. These feelings can revolve around the need for approval or the fear of making a mistake (and being reprimanded or ridiculed).
Without the feelings, we would be our normal selves. Without the feelings, all authority figures would be just people.
How to get rid of those emotions? Instead of tightening up against them, face them. Feel them. After a number of times, it can seem as if you are becoming use to these feelings, but in reality they are weakening/disappearing.
And they will weaken even faster if you feel them while breathing out the tension with each breath. Especially relax the stomach, shoulders and neck.
If you feel very tense around a certain someone, here is a way to relax faster, and deeper:
You will probably find yourself tensed up again after a short time. Gently bring yourself back to breathing/relaxing and feeling.
This process can take awhile, so I have listed some websites below that can help you look relaxed and confident, until you start feeling that way.
The ultimate goal, of course, is to be who we are no matter who we are with.
Here is an unusual way to do just that, and it starts with answering these three questions:
1.) What clothes do you wear to help you fit in (those that say I am a student, office or construction worker, biker or soccer mom)?
2.) What products or accessories do you use to improve the basic you?
3.) What part(s) of your body do you disguise or hide (e.g. a crooked tooth, balding, wide hips)?
Now, gather your courage and go out into the world without a piece of identifying clothing, or without one product or without covering or hiding that part of your body.
Right! Go out with less mask and more you.
Some people hesitate to even try this, because they think they will be looked at strangely, ridiculed or even rejected; they find themselves feeling anxious, embarrassed or outright scared.
Those who do it anyway are often surprised to find that people are way too self-absorbed to notice even big changes; and if they do notice, they can only ask, Is there something different about you?
If you are one of those people in a big hurry (who tends to push themselves), be careful not to leave too many items at home; too many can bring up a tsunami of negative emotion and drown you right out of the rewards.
Leaving a lesser amount at home can bring up, weaken and release those feelings steadily.
Above all, do it all gently. It will be easier to persist if you deal with this process, and those negative feelings, in the easiest possible way (especially if the process takes longer than you thought it would or think it should).
All positive change comes sooner with self-empathy and kindness.
The rewards? Each time you feel what you do not want to feel, you grow a bit stronger and move a bit closer to that miraculous ability to be who you are, to be genuine, no matter who you are with.
NOTE - If it seems as if I am down on cool clothing, sparkling accessories and awesome products, I am not. I think those that makes us feel special, feel cared for and feel good ought to be used in abundance, while letting go of what we hope will bring us greater acceptance, admiration or love.
More Inner Strength
Many of us hold ourselves back, keep ourselves weaker, by telling ourselves a story; that is, explaining reality to ourselves, telling ourselves 'how it is.'
We never do this when we agree with our reality. And every time we let go of another story, we become stronger; at this link:
All She Ever Wanted Was...
Her: She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—
I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”
Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
Him: Free Insights
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.
I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.
She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"
Both Him & Her: The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it will tend to keep prodding, motivating and pushing Him and Her into a permanent change (no resolutions needed).
And That Power is Now Yours:
Either one of these 2 simple techniques can bring you a life-changing insight, one that leads to permanent change.
Both are complete (nothing held back)
And sent directly to your inbox with this link:
How Many ?
How many people, no matter what they try, spend their lives not losing Weight, or in unfulfilling Relationships (or none), or with Money problems or a Stalled career?
But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind
* Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you
* Imagine taking control over that part of your life
* And imagine the relief of knowing that you are finally moving on, once and for all.
Click this link and get your free techniques now:
* Your email address is 100% secure
Fear of Authority Figures: 7 Tips on How to Talk to Authority Figures
The Ultimate Guide on How to Not Care About What Other People Think of You and Live the Life You Want at this link:
A simple way to stop their sarcasm and put-down humor:
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. At this link: https://www.danielsperaw.com/single-post/Self-Care-Self-Love-3-Tips--Raise-Your-Quality-of-Life