Updated: Apr 3, 2019
So many people say “I’m not judging” or “I don’t judge,” which is why it is hard for me to admit that I do.
Yes, I look down on those around me, as I notice their problems and issues; I mentally shake my head at the way they act and the mistakes they make.
And I often judge their looks too.
Of course, I only do it when I am feeling in some way weak: tired or ill, stepped on or left out or judged!
And when I finish judging, I feel better, stronger, superior; but, the feeling does not last, which is why I have to do it again. And again.
What is also true is that I never CHOOSE to judge; in fact, I do not want to and do not like myself afterward.
But there seems to be no way to stop. Suddenly, a judgmental thought pops up in all its negative glory, way too late to block it or even make a change.
Immediately burying it does not work, nor does correcting myself with a positive thought. Those efforts have no effect on how often or how much I judge.
After some decades, I thankfully found a way to turn my negative judgements positive: 3 Steps
1 I keep my judgements inside. I even keep them from those I do not like or feel angry toward, because nobody deserves an expression of MY pain.
2 Instead of trying to stop or change it, or beating myself up about it, I take a step back and allow my judgements; I give myself permission to be that way.
I mean, what is the alternative? I cannot stop, and beating myself up has not helped--ever. So, self-acceptance it is.
3 And when I can, I give the one I judged a compliment (mental or verbal). It only takes a moment to find something I like and another moment to say it. And making it verbal gives us both a lift.
As for my need to judge? It continues to lessen; I think because I stopped fighting and started accepting.
And someday, I hope to be free.
YOU Still Struggling With YOU?
So many of us struggle to keep from:
Eating/drinking what we know we will regret
Staying up too late with tv, social media or novel Pushing to get too much done (with too little downtime) Delaying yet another meal
Free: 4 steps to stopping the struggle
The Power of Becoming Your Own Best Friend
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How to stop being judgemental is a bit like how to stop nagging:
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. At this link: