Updated: Jul 17
There are some things in life to be avoided: ice-water showers, on-coming traffic, irate mothers-in-law and one awful word.
Supposedly, this short word fosters delusions and cultivates the heaviness of guilt. I do not think it is that bad, but should has never had anything to do with reality, and it never will. Like last Saturday morning.
This was the time I should do some in-house stuff, but the sun was shining, the air was warm, and I wanted to go outside.
If I had stayed in to work, I would have felt irritable, even angry; so I went out, which turned my should into a should have, and I was left with an underlying feeling of unease (a bit of guilt).
Do you think I am over-reacting, dramatizing?
Then, how about exercise? ((And no, that is not me in the picture)).
Lately, exercise has felt somewhat difficult and a bit boring, but because it is good for me, I should stay with it.
I have been through this before, and I know the feeling of difficult/boring will continue to grow, and grow, until finally, I quit.
When I do quit, my should becomes yet another should have and I again feel as if I am doing something wrong.
And then there is my Father. Most will agree that I should love him, which too often means that I should not have any negative feelings toward him. If a negative feeling does come up, my should not tries hard to keep me from acknowledging it.
If I do any acknowledging, I will feel badly, because I should not be feeling that way.
And it is even worse when I go ahead and do something I should not be doing. My should not backlashes into a should not have, and for awhile (or a long time) I have to keep telling myself why it was okay to do it (rationalizing helps keep the guilt down).
To sum it up, should quickly and automatically creates a no-win situation; and, no matter where the word comes from (me, thee or them), it always feels as if a morally-weighted finger is wagging in my direction.
Oh, and the word itself is lifeless; it contains no energy and is often accompanied by a sigh. What I really should do is stop shoulding all over myself (and those around me), because:
Without should in my exercise program, I can admit that the exercises are hard and boring; and, instead of pushing myself to climb stairs that have no end, ride a bike that goes nowhere or run a treadmill
to the same place, I can look for some movement that is -- are you ready for it? -- fun.
Without should on Saturday morning, I can reschedule the inside work, without guilt, and fully enjoy a beautiful morning.
And without should constipating my emotions, I can acknowledge any negative feelings I have for my Dad, and begin to let them go. I would then be less defensive with him, more accepting of him and able to share more of myself with him.
Instead of Should
Choice, on the other hand, is full of life. Choosing comes with a wonderful feeling of freedom, and the words I want to! are energizing. Choice can propel us, enliven our lives and even stir those around us.
But wait! What about religious directives?
Even moral and religious commands can be empowering choices rather than shoulds.
I should but don’t want to and probably didn’t. I shouldn’t but want to and maybe did. Did I?
Should we then delete the word should from the dictionary, along with its ill-bred spawn (should have, should not and should not have)?
Should we pull in, highlight and otherwise focus on the word choice and then start choosing?
Well, we probably shouldn’t, but some of us want to and even are.
And as we do, we are lightening our lives, letting in more intuition and following the joy in our hearts.
There are 4 simple steps to bringing more intuitive answers into your life. At this link:
All She Ever Wanted Was...
Her: She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—
I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?”
Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.
I asked him, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.
She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"
Both Him & Her: The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen; it will tend to keep prodding, motivating and pushing Him and Her into a permanent change (no resolutions needed).
And That Power is Now Yours:
Either one of these 2 simple techniques can bring you a life-changing insight, one that leads to permanent change.
Both are complete (nothing held back)
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How Many ?
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But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind
* Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you
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For more info on the subject of shoulds, this link: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-the-word-should-can-be-harmful-3-empowering-alternatives/
Trust yourself? Here is a way to tap into your deepest answers:
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. At this link: