Updated: Sep 17, 2019
- UPDATED -
I froze, face reddening. Everyone waited to see how I would take the ‘joke.’
Barely breathing, a smile pasted on my face, I felt resentful, angry and hurt too. I finally dropped my eyes, shook my head. And remained silent.
Sadly, I have known a few people who enjoyed sarcasm and put-down humor: my father; 2 friends at school; even a romantic relationship.
And I rarely spoke up. I told myself I did not want to damage the relationship, but the truth was I hated confrontations. And deep down? Well, I thought I deserved it.
The few times I did speak up, I told them I didn't like it.
And they said lighten up, or I was only joking, or What’s wrong, can’t take a joke?
When I persisted, tried to explain why I didn’t like it, that it hurt, and if somebody had said it to them, they wouldn’t like it either!
They replied, You’re too sensitive.
I finally realized that no explanation would ever work with these people. They just will not/cannot admit that their words are hurtful.
Much later, I also realized that whatever I'm feeling is the truth, my truth. And if somebody thinks I am too sensitive, that is something for them to handle.
How to Stop Sarcasm & Put-Down Humor
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Here are two ways you can keep your head up and your voice soft against the meanest of ‘jokers.’
In a crowd
Look at the person and ask, Where did that come from? This often puts them on the defensive and scrambling for a response.
With an individual
Some time ago, I wrote this from the viewpoint of an abused woman: Last night, I forgot a bag of groceries in the car, and he said, “What, Alzheimer’s already?”
Then, this morning, I broke a coffee mug, and from the living room he yelled, “I signed you up for a class in coordination. You start tomorrow.”
And later, he discovered a mistake in our checkbook and ‘joked’, “If only you were smart too.”
To stop emotional abuse, first try the same question, Where did that come from? If it does not work, use these two steps:
1.) Choose a short sentence like: That hurt; or I didn’t like that; or That felt awful.
2.) Then, in response to sarcasm or put-down humor, start repeating your words, no matter what the joker says: Do not argue, debate or defend. Simply repeat and keep repeating.
There will likely come a moment when they finally hear you, and if you do that every time, there is a good chance they will stop.
If not, consider letting them go, along with any other negative Neds and Nellies that are dragging you down.
To successfully speak up for yourself:
* * * Have a friend act the role of abuser, and you practice asking the question or using your words. Encourage your friend to say things that make no sense, so you can learn to stay focused.
Or, practice in front of a mirror, by imagining your abuser.
* * * And, your first efforts might not work, only because your voice/manner are not yet strong enough.
But you deserve the power and joy of standing up for yourself; so, if you stumble (or cannot do it at all), go back to practicing (no matter how yucky you feel).
And know this: every time you practice, every attempt you make, increases your inner-strength (regardless of how you feel). Yes, every time.
Bottom line? YOU are your only hope. You are the only one who can bring yourself the respect you deserve, along with the uplifting support of positive people.
She Was Saying
“If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—
I stopped her and asked, “Give yourSELF?”
Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate. I asked, “If there was one person on the planet holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat.
She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependant on my mother!"
And that insight could not be unseen; it could keep prodding, pushing and motivating him into a permanent change - no resolutions needed.
And now you can discover the power of a deep insight, free.
How many people, no matter what they try, spend their lives
* not losing Weight
* or in unfulfilling Relationships (or none)
* or have Money problems or a Stalled career?
But one, eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind.
Imagine seeing the present and past in an instant and knowing that it is no longer you. Imagine the relief of knowing that you are finally moving on, once and for all.
This simple, 3-step method is complete (nothing held back).
And you can use it to take control over that part of your life.
* Sent directly to your inbox * Your email address is 100% secure
"At any moment, the decision you make
can change the course of your life forever."
And here is more information on standing up for yourself:
Self-Confidence comes from being genuine, and a good way to practice is to say Yes to offers (instead of automatically rejecting them:
The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love.At this link: https://www.danielsperaw.com/blog/the-essence-of-personal-improvement