Updated: Mar 17
I was 3 years old and happily playing with a toy car, when my Dad came into the yard.
I froze, barely breathing, car forgotten.
Would he zero in on me and explode or walk by as if I did not exist. An explosion would mean the terror of his yelling, almost screaming. Walking by would be a relief, but I would wonder Why doesn’t he like me? What’s wrong with me?
The explosions continued until I was 14, and sometimes included a belt (not on the backside). The ignoring continued until I left his house at 21.
And for most of my life I remembered none of it!
So what is the problem? That terror, anger, hurt and sadness was deeply buried. Out of sight, out of mind. Right?
Except that my relationship with Dad was awkward. Around him, I was always on edge, nervous; I could not find a way to relax and be myself. And our relationship stayed uncomfortable right up until his death.
Even then, I did not know why.
Carl Jung writes, “That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate.” And again, “At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.”
Some examples he gives are the self-destructive behaviors so many have to deal with and not know why (e.g., too much alcohol, food, drugs), the unacknowledged biases and prejudices and a strong tendency to judge others.
Add to this the negative thoughts and emotions that keep coming up from the past, over and over.
But Not Me !
Some believe they carry no old, emotional baggage. They look inside and do not see anything, do not feel anything, so, really, there is nothing there.
Yet they find themselves snacking when they are not hungry, turning on the TV when they are not much interested or diving into work when there is not much to be done.
This is the short list of distractions I use to stop myself from feeling the negative past.
We, in this group, can also find ourselves feeling emotional (e.g., irritable/angry, sad) when there is nothing emotional going on around us. And, we can overreact, at times, as well as have a tendency toward addictive behavior (e.g., drugs, alcohol, food).
In so many ways, the past can make us weaker.
But It Can Also Make Us Stronger
Negative thoughts and emotions are a form of pain, so, of course, we automatically turn away and into our distractions -- which leaves Jung's unconscious snags (our weaknesses) in place.
Facing those thoughts and feelings makes us stronger (because facing what we do not want to face always does). Even better, feeling them allows them to release, which also releases the behavior of Jung's unconscious snags.
Yes! The changes are small, but what else can we do? Continue to distract, repress and pretend we are just fine?
If I had acknowledged my negative feelings for Dad, when he was alive, I would eventually have been less defensive with him, more accepting of him and able to share more of myself with him.
Some people do not want negative thoughts in their lives; they want to be positive! And they can be, because no matter how we are feeling, no matter what we are thinking, we can choose to speak and act in positive ways.
Some believe that allowing negative thoughts will attract more negativity into their lives. But allowing negative thoughts and feelings is not the same as working to manifest them.
Releasing It All, Faster
Although my Dad is long dead, thoughts of him still come up, along with the usual negative feelings, and every time I find my body tight, along with my breath.
This automatic tension keeps me from feeling too much, which keeps the past down and me stuck. Breathing out that tension (with each breath) allows more of the past to release faster (especially when the focus is on relaxing the neck, shoulders and stomach).
Because I pushed so hard to release those years of abuse, I can tell you what not to do:
Do not try to find negative emotion; do not try to feel more than is there. Relax, and let it come.
After just a few moments of breathing and feeling, the mind tends to skip away into thoughts. When you can, gently bring yourself back to the moment.
To stay with a feeling longer, focus on your breath. Use it as an anchor.
And anytime you think you might be turning to a distraction, or in the middle of one, stop, breathe and let yourself feel whatever is there.
Above all, be kind to yourself. When your mind too quickly skips away from feeling, hold back the self-criticism; know that you are doing what you have always done. Your best.
And if you quit, come back. Besides freeing yourself from the past, and strengthening yourself, there will come a time when you will experience more of (for some of us) the faded or lost emotions, like genuine surprise, delight and curiosity.
So do. Keep coming back. To a better life.
Permanent Change ?
Have you seen those incredible success stories, the ones that go with each new weight-loss miracle? What you might not know is that each one of those people would have lost that weight with any system or no
system at all! Simply because they had already deep-down decided to make a change.
And this is true of every positive change: When the decision is deep, the change is assured; when the decision is just intellectual, we struggle (and even quit) .
The point? You can bring that deep, life-changing decision sooner by first discovering Jung’s unconscious snag.
His business was deep in the red, and he was now desperate.
I asked, “If there was one person on the planet who is holding you back, who would it be?”
He immediately said, “My Mother.”
She was giving him money to keep his business afloat. She had also given him the down payment for his house and had recently taken over the payments.
His insight: "I'm 30 years old and still (like a child) dependent on my mother!"
The power of a deep insight is that it cannot be unseen. It tends to stay with us, prodding, pushing and motivating us into making that deep decision (and permanent change).
And you do not need me (or anybody else)
& It's all free
Whether the problem is overweight, lack of money, unfulfilling relationships or a stalled career, one eye-widening moment can begin leaving that pain behind.
And you can discover that underlying deep insight with either of these 2 simple techniques.
Both are free. Both are complete (nothing held back).
Both work on a variety of issues.
And they will be sent directly to your inbox :
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Why am I encouraging you to find your own answers?
Every time we even try for personal understanding, our inner strength increases—a bit more—and that strength translates into other areas of our lives.
Finding our own answers also increases self-confidence and self-esteem.
All She ever wanted...
She was saying, “If only I could find the right guy, I would give myself to him, and—"
I stopped her and asked, “Give your SELF?” Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said and what she had been doing.
Yes, a deep insight can push us into a permanent change, and no, you don’t need me (Who is This Guy?).
So, go ahead. Use these simple techniques to bring the life-changing answers you need: