(4) Power Struggles in Relationships? End Them All (easily)

Updated: Mar 13, 2019

So many power struggles:

* the ‘I am right and you should listen to me’

* the ‘I am better, faster or smarter than you’

* the ‘I am king of the workplace,’ or the worst one,

* ‘You’ll regret having done that, who can cause the most hurt.’

And that is the short list.

Here, then, is an uplifting way to win any power struggle (in 1 minutes or less), illustrated in this flash story.

* * *

Monday morning traffic! I suddenly hit the steering wheel and winced at the pain. It is too much! I thought. Grief from my ex-wife on the weekends, and I have to fight Jerry all week long!

Far ahead, the light turned red. I hit the steering wheel again (though not nearly as hard) and decided, I've had enough! Jerry will either change his attitude this morning or he's fired.

A sports car cut me off; I hit the brakes and then my horn.

I finally pulled into work, jerking the car to a stop. Slamming the door, I headed straight to Jerry’s cubicle. He was on the computer, his back to the opening.

I clenched a fist and said, Jerry!

The man tensed and slowly turned his chair.

I leaned into my words: I need that report by the end of the day! No excuses! This has gone on way...”

Jerry was nodding, as he interrupted, Sure, sure, I have it all ready for you.

He reached up and pulled it from the shelf.

I stood staring at the first page.

Eventually I was able to mumble, Oh, well, uh, good.

Glancing up, I halfheartedly asked, Uh, how about the Davis work up? You know, we really need to get on it.

Jerry said, No problem, I’ve already started. I’ll have it for you ahead of schedule.

Mouth open. I shut it, nodded uncertainly and left.

Later that afternoon, I was back at Jerry’s cubicle. I stood hesitating, then pushed myself to knock on the partition. Jerry swung around with a smile that died.

Hi, I said nervously.

Still hesitating, I pushed myself to ask, Why the sudden change? I mean, glad to see it, but why?

Jerry looked embarrassed, as he said, Well, I just decided to get a report in on time for once.

Feeling even more uncomfortable, I slid into the other chair and said, Look Jerry, it's been bugging me all day, and I really would like to know.

Jerry dropped his eyes, scratched his head and said, Okay. Well. It felt like we were in a battle. It even seemed like I had to fight you.

I was silent.

Jerry looked up and said, I kept thinking this was a miserable way to live. Anyway, I decided to let you win.

In a flat voice, I repeated, Let me win.

Well, yeah. It felt like a fight, so I imagined letting you win. I hated the feeling, but it was the only way I could think of to change things. I mean, when I was not fighting you in some outside way, I was getting back at you in my head.

Not knowing what to say, I stood to go and murmured, Uh, yeah, okay, thanks.

Early that next Saturday morning, I was picking up my children and still thinking about Jerry. I decided to let you win had been echoing in my mind all week.

Even before the door was fully open, I heard my ex-wife’s irritated voice: I absolutely need the children home on time tomorrow, or is that just too much for you?

I looked away, jaw tight and thought, Will it never end?

I turned to her angry face, took a breath and forced myself to say, Good morning. About last weekend, I really am sorry about being late. Tomorrow, we’ll be back a few minutes early.

A scathing retort died on her lips.

I took another breath and pushed out, Oh, and speaking of early, here is the support check.

As my children ran out the door and into my arms, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief, as I realized, I can let her win.

But Wait!

Wasn't HE was supposed to win!?

Ah, but leaving her to fight by herself put his self-esteem back up where it belonged. It also gave him back his inner peace, increased his inner-strength and raised his overall quality of life.

Of course, watching her face struggle with his change was also a win.




Why Can't We Stop


Eating/drinking what we know we will regret

Staying up too late with tv, social media or a novel—again Pushing to get too much done (with too little down time) Delaying yet another meal?

. FREE: A simple way change


The Power of Becoming Your Own Best Friend



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And for more on winning: Forget Compromise, Win the Power Struggle from Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everybody-marries-the-wrong-person/201206/forget-compromise

Self-Care / self-love works best when we speak up for ourselves. Here is how:


The very foundation of personal improvement is self-care/self-love. At this link:


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