Compliments? I never know what to say!
It’s a compliment? Oh! Ah; Um...
Compliments? I guess I need em. Who doesn’t?
Compliments? Yeaah! Bring em on!!!
It was a compliment! And let it in!
How a Simple Compliment Can Permanently Increase Your Self-Esteem
More self-esteem makes life better, because liking yourself more always does.
It was my day off, but the boss called me in. Three visitors needed help, but why me?
Eventually, I asked one of the guests, and she told me they had requested the best. I froze, silent for a moment and then quickly nodded and moved on.
Later, I pulled her aside and admitted, “Sometimes I have trouble with compliments. Thank you for that.”
Most of my life has been spent both hating and loving compliments: loving because I they feel so good; hating because I feel uncomfortable, even embarrassed, and quickly find a way to reject them.
And apparently, I am not alone.
Some play a game of catch with their compliment and throw it right back: “That’s a nice jacket.” “Oh, uh, I like your shirt too.”
Some duck their heads and mumble their way out of it, while others completely negate the compliment: "Oh, this old thing?" "And it didn’t even cost much."
Still others are greatly generous as they deflect the compliment with kind words toward the designer, the store and the world at large.
And finally, there are those who verbally bury it by going into a tedious explanation of where they bought it, what it cost and did you know the store almost went out of business!
Despite this mass rejecting, have you noticed how quickly most of us perk up when we get a simple compliment, even a hardly-anything comment? Many us look like we have not had one in a long time and seem desperate for more.
NOTE: The end of this post is about bringing You more sincere compliments—a lot more.
So, why all of this rejecting?
Some think they might appear egotistical; while others feel as if they are undeserving; and still others want to avoid feeling indebted.
For those who can set aside that reason, there are two ways a compliment can increase their self-esteem.
Respond with a simple acceptance, a quiet “Thank you,” while holding back everything else.
Let it in.
When we deflect or reject a compliment, the body tenses, along with our breath; we are physically tightening up to keep it out. And even when we verbally accept, this constricted reaction blocks it from fully lifting us.
As soon as possible after a compliment, take a deep breath and exhale that tension; let each out-breath carry away more tightness.
When you are feeling relaxed, replay the compliment (several times?) and let it settle deep into that place you feel most vulnerable. Do not try to find that place; don’t even look for it; just breathe easily and let the compliment settle in.
Compliments are a validation of we are. With a bit of practice letting them in, that nice lift you felt on the surface can increase and stay with you long after the words have been forgotten.
The ones that go deep, can stay with you permanently, which means your normal level of happiness can rise, and it does.
I hope you are excited about putting those compliments to work for you; but, where are they? Happily, there are at least 2 ways to bring them flowing into your life.
Consider using a friend or forming a group. Tell them what you want to do (give them this post?) and then suggest that “Every time we talk, let’s give each other a compliment.”
After some initial laughter/discomfort, this experience can become both enjoyable and fulfilling; it can lift each of you, as well as bring you closer.
Another way to draw in more compliments is to give them away. BUT!
'Giving to get' never works, because people always sense the motive; and when a compliment does come back, it can feel bought.
Instead, give without expecting a return, and reap these 3 benefits: 1. a deeper, stronger relationship (which can come from even one, freely given compliment); 2. the good feelings of watching others brighten; and, 3. knowing those compliments can come flowing back later.
The hardest part of this can be giving that Oscar-winning performance, as we hold back and continue to act as if we do not expect a return.
And the easiest part? It should be the giving; after all, it takes but a moment to find something we like and about the same amount of time to say it.
But for some of us, it is not that easy. The key is to do it anyway and not let a negative reluctance get in the way of your goal: uplifting you and your life.
In other words, keep going:
as you lift those around you, one compliment at a time;
as you stop second guessing motives, stop deflecting and start responding with a soft Thank you; and
as you let those compliments into that place where they can lift you, and your life permanently.
Wait! More than a Psychic ?
After looking ahead at your concerns, hopes and dreams, I go further: we will take intuitive steps to bring in one of your desires.
Besides knowing about a romantic relationship (current or future), we can take steps to make that relationship fulfilling -- and permanent.
Besides knowing if you will be moving up in your career, we can take steps to ignite your passion, bring it into your life.
More money? Okay, let’s look at that, but money is always about something else, like the need for security, the desire to provide a better life for loved ones or the dream of owning your own home.
Or is your desire something just as important?
* Losing weight? or
* Letting go of bitterness/blame & finally moving on?
Having a brighter future is always better than talking about it.
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